Jason Kenney. A Man of the Times!

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W E D N E S D A Y,  M A R C H  3,   2 0 1 0

Who is Jason Kenney?

Immigration Minister Jason Kenney, first distiguished himself by attempting to thwart honourary citizenship for Nelson Mandella - because Mandella, as Kenney points out, is a dangerous terrorist.

Jason has always stood up for what is right. He fights feverishly for Jewish Canadians, claiming that everyone in the world is anti-semetic, including apparently the B'nai Brith, who asked him to shut up about it already . "Now I don't know about you, but that makes them likely jew-haters to me!!", said an incensed Kenney.

He has also repeatedly challenged the validity of refugee claims, protecting Canada from non-Conservative elements (god bless you Mr. Kenney).

More recently, he took another bold stance. In re-writing the Canadian Citizenship Guide, Kenney opted to remove any references to the fact that homosexuality was decriminalized in 1969, that gay and lesbian rights are enshrined in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, and that uni-gender marriage is legal. "Well we can't fit every thing in!", Kenney told the press... "We included a picture of Mark Tewksbury, he's gay isn't he? My party did not protest his inclusion in the Olympics, and didn't even request that he be asked to swim in a different pool!  (well I did, but Barcelona refused to co-operate). Sheesh! Do we really want to tell New Canadians about the things that we are ashamed of."

This is the Jason Kenney we both know and love. The one who protects us from sinners, terrorists, Nazis, and non-Judeo-Christians. But there's another side of Jason that few of us ever see. The tender side. The adventurous side. The consumate entertainer. The femme-fatale.

Jason Kenney is...

Jason begins a limited engagement at The Barracks Backroom in Toronto, from March 20th to the 23rd, before starting a cross-country Club Baths tour. Tickets are available through PeBoVision ticket kiosks, now set up in most bus station washrooms. "I'm so excited, I could plutz!", bubbled the clearly excited "Aurora". "This tour is the culmination of everything I've worked for. I hope that all my supporters will be there. Except for "Bogus" citizens, homosexual perverts, South African terrorists and Nazis. I also wish they'd all stop requesting nude photos."

Well maybe they will Jason, but we just got the  unsolicited plain manila envelope you sent, and when our editors make their final decisions, we hope to share your loveliness (rivaled only by your sensitivity and tolerance) with all our readers.

Because we love you Jason. (By the way, the burning isn't a yeast infection, you should see your doctor ASAP!!)