Apple has launched its highly anticipated new product, to be known as the iBacus, to thrilled Apple faithful at an event in San Francisco on Wednesday, while fans of real computers looked on with bewildered stares.
"We want to kickoff 2010 by introducing a magical and revolutionary product today." Jobs said to the cheering throngs, "Since we don't have one, this'll have to do."
The device, which sports no USB, flash drive port, keyboard, screen, mouse or memory, will "revolutionize how people count." iBacus purchasers will have three models to choose from. A desktop model, called the iBoxus, a laptop version, known as the iBookus, as well as a handheld version - the iBic. Prices range from US$3000 for the desktop to $699 for the PDA (or $99 with a 20 year data replacement plan - which ensures that any lost marbles will be replaced for standard fees). Although critics commented negatively on the non-replaceable battery, Jobs states that the battery is not actually used, and so should only have to be replaced once every few months, once the standard Apple new-release bugs are ironed out within the first year.
Although memory on the device is not expandable, Jobs promises many accessories and apps will be available through the Apple App Store. One such example... iBacus users will find a convenient bookholder attaches to the right side of the tablet with a magnet (battery, $75, not included), which can support up to a 230 page paperback in a very comfortable reading position. "This is a direct attack on the Kindle" said an Amazon spokesperson, after being told what a paperback is.
When questioned on the wisdom of releasing a product which is so obviously based on very old design and concept, and which other computer manufacturers have had little success in marketing themselves, Jobs replied, "Did you notice the Apple Logo??? It lights up. I doubt if the HP version had an HP logo that lit up! It did? Well it wasn't an Apple product. Apple users buy what I tell them to. This is the bleeding-edge of derivative tech!! You people just don't know how to think different."
Which seems to mean not thinking at all!
Within seconds of this statement, the crowd began to chant "Apple Ohhhm, iBacus Ohmmm", perfoming self-flagellation and speaking in tongues.
In related news, Microsoft announced it's new multiple application productivity suite, which will be used to replace Office 2007. Microsoft must stop selling their current product by February because of a recent copyright infringement lawsuit. Called "Closed Office", MS CEO Steve Ballmer says that, "This time, we made damned certain that we acquired any companies who's code we stole , before they could identify it. That'll save us millions, I tell ya!"
2 comments:
I thought it was called an iKotex
Let's not forget his painstaking invention, the iLiver. Sadly, only offered in California.
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