Temper tantrums, hissy fits, and other manifestations of ego over id.

S A T U R D A Y,  N O V E M B E R  0 6,   2 0 1 0

I'm at the tail end of a 7-day unpaid suspension from work.

Not bitching, I deserve it. I went postal on my supervisor.

If I didn't work under a union, I'd likely be unemployed. While I'm elated that I'm not, it does underline my problem with unions - I really should have lost my job if the management hierarchy is to be respected. Folks are sometimes confused by my anti-union stance, considering my far left political bent. This may make it easier to understand how I see no conflict in these two views. Unions help to ensure that folks make a fair wage, and make sure people are treated fairly. Even private-sector employees enjoy many benefits thanks to the existence of unions.

My problem stems from the fact that so many sweat shops still exist (check any garment district of any city, and witness modern day slavery taking place quite openly.) Shouldn't unions be using their considerable resources, to help protect these workers? The human importers demonstrate a flagrant disregard for minimum wage regulations and safe working conditions, yet no union in the country makes any effort to shine a light on the plight of these workers?

That's why as a socialist, I can still have issues with unions.

Anyway, moving right along...

I didn't become physically aggressive, that's not in my nature, but I did slam a door hard enough (it seems) to chip paint off the frame. When you're losing it, the brain can still be quite effective at locating and identifying good "Tantrum Props"...and let's face it, an open door is simply irresistible.

While most folks make use of the exclamative nature of a door slam at the end of an encounter, I slammed the door at the start of my ear-splitting tirade. A little unorthodox perhaps, but it certainly set the tone (and volume) for the...ahem, conversation that followed.

The "conversation" consisted of calling my supervisor an asshole and a liar (very loudly), and stating in no uncertain terms that I refused to work under him any further.

Unfortunately I had already slammed the door, so I no longer had that exclamation tool at my disposal. I therefore opted to end my hurling of abuses by storming out of his office, continuing to shout insults all the way to my office (which lies at the far end of the building, past dozens of employees and clients).

If I used this blog more often, the details of what made me lose it so completely would already be out there, but whatever catalysts I might list here could only serve to unfairly defend my actions. Every now and then one must take ownership of simply being a complete jerk from time to time, so whatever the cause, I cannot make light of the fact that I allowed myself to lose control.

Is my supervisor an asshole?

No more than any schmuck who's just trying to get by. He HAS done a couple things in the past that has made trusting him impossible, but I really think it's more a case of my never having liked him much, and the feeling being pretty mutual. My inappropriate behavior however, awards the assholiness crown most convincingly to me!

Was my supervisor a liar?

Well, my conduct ensured that I'll never know for sure. If I had spoken to my manager (and I will state that  that was my original plan of action before blowing a gasket), we may have gotten to the bottom of what triggered my reaction. Regardless, I lost it on someone for lying, before knowing with certainty what the truth was. This made the truth less meaningful than my actions.

Yup, the crown fits well.

One thing I can't feel guilty about is finally admitting after many, many months that I could simply no longer work under someone for whom I felt little trust or respect. While being honest about how you feel about someone can be a wonderfully cleansing experience, it should never be accompanied with such volume or creative use of expletives.  So, while I'm glad it's all out in the open, I do wish I wouldn't have proven myself to be a such a deranged dolt in the process.

There is a lesson to be derived from this however, regarding the important difference between tolerance and acceptance...

If I had accepted my supervisor's management style and accepted that, for better or worse, he was my boss, I'd probably be happily working along with no change to my work status.

Instead I tolerated our work relationship. When you tolerate something or someone, you are saying "I'll put up with this to keep the peace, but I don't like it". Problem is, your discomfort eats at you at every encounter, and as time passes, any issues become magnified and exaggerated. Invariably you will be the one to break the peace.

Think about that next time someone says you should be more tolerant! If you can't accept something, trying to tolerate it simply makes you accept it less.

And THAT's why I report to a different office and a new supervisor next week.

At least I still have a job!