Where did everybody go? RAPTURE!

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 20, 2011

For those of you who may have forgotten my post of May 20th, I thought I should remind you that the world ends(again)tomorrow.

Harold Camping, says his previous predicted date of May 21st was NOT an actual mistake, but was the actual day of where Jesus stood in judgement of the world (would have been nice if he would have told us! Last time he was here, he went out of his way to make his presence known, but he came back in May to plan Earth's destruction - but not a note or even a phone call! Hell, even the Vogons gave us a few hours notice before destroying the Earth for a hyperspace bypass!)

Harold does admit though, that his prediction that the world would end on September 6th, 1994 WAS a mathematical error. (no word on why he was wrong in May of 1988 - but hey, at least he keeps trying!)

Anyway, Harold says that God, who it would seem is quite jealous of our proficiency in slaughtering each other,  is still hellbent-for-leather to become the greatest terrorist in the history of the world, rapturing the faithful tomorrow, and leaving the rest of us to endure 1000 years of pain, suffering, and (extremely) inclement weather.

So let me get this straight....this god-dude manages to create the entire universe in seven days, but it's going to take him 1000 YEARS to destroy one planet?? Christians will tell you it's to punish the sinners with a thousand years of hardship and strife, to which I reply, "What a sick sadistic fuck!"

But c'mon folks, how terrible will it really be? With all the Christians beamed off the planet (don't forget to buy ammo - they're gonna make for great target practice), we'll only have the Jews and Muslims to contend with - and without the Christians as their moderators, they'll likely do us all a favour, and wipe each other out during the first post-Rapture year. (Bonus!!)

This will leave the rest of us free to align ourselves with a less psychotic deity. One who doesn't profess his/her love by creating conflicts (like telling people they're chosen, or promising a band of nomads prime beachfront real estate) and subjecting entire populations to slow, agonizing deaths through either armageddon, or another season of the god-awful TV series "Falling Skies" (I choose armageddon!).

Odin sounds good, Zeus is pretty cool, and Vishnu followers get those kick-ass robes and pony-tails. But let's face it, just about anyone would beat the maniacal psychopath the world has put their faith in for the last few millenia! And please, this time let's not select a god with such obvious personality disorders. At least one that doesn't enjoy pestilence and suffering quite so much.

So Harold, go ahead and tell your brutal buddy to bring on his apocalypse! I've gone over every possible long range outcome, and I simply cannot see a downside to losing the segment of the world's population who insist on cow-towing to this blatantly evil Judeo-Islamo-Christian god. He/She has never done anything for humanity besides ensuring that all but the most evil among us, live in utter misery - and going out of His/Her way to perpetuate our hatred for each other  - in His/Her name.

Getting rid of all the Christians (and eventually all Muslims and Jews as well) AND their god's influence, actually fills me with hope for a much better world!

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In closing, here are the lyrics to "Rapture" as featured on the 2009 album "Down at the End of the Bar" from brilliant singer/songwriter Leo Rondeau. Hope it provides an apocalyptic chuckle!

Rapture

I was driving down the road
Contemplating life in a secular state of mind
When I saw some fool with a Jesus fish
Oh Lord his faith must be blind
When all of the sudden his car went off the road
And a plane fell out of the air
When I went over to see if I could help
There wasn't anybody there

Where did everybody go -RAPTURE
Why am I all alone - RAPTURE
Where did everybody go -RAPTURE
Why am I all alone
Where did everybody go
Who will save my soul
I must have missed the life boat

I went back into town looking to find
Anyone as blue as me
I heard some voices from over the hill
And went over to see what I could see
There was a bunch of lawyers I say a bunch of lawyers
Drunker than all get out
They were holding hands swaying side to side
They began to sing and shout

Where did all our clients go -RAPTURE
Where did all our clients go - RAPTURE
Won't make money anymore -RAPTURE
Where did everybody go
Where did everybody go
Who will save my soul
I must have missed the life boat

Jesus oh Jesus I must get into heaven
Had I known all those words in the bible true
Don't you know I would have obeyed them
I'm down below and lord don't you know
I'm facing eternal damnation
So won't you teach me how to catch the second one
Since I missed the first saving

Chorus